Pop goes the Culture: Youtube channels fill internet with garbage

Gather round, kids. It's story time.

Once upon a time, people who did stupid things were mocked, cursed at and beaten until they retreated back into their mom's basement and disappeared from society. The world was fine. Then, these same people purchased web cams and decided to broadcast their worthless lives for all to see, effectively ruining the once-good Web site Youtube.com with obnoxious videos of themselves doing things that would have gotten them killed if done in public. The world hasn't been the same since.

I'll admit I've made my share of poor decisions, but I've never had the urge to post a video of myself acting out a popular music video in my room or rambling off random facts about Hulk Hogan. No, these people have no shame, and it's time more people stood up and stopped them before the Internet becomes nothing more than a forum for attention-starved losers seeking validity. Before I dive into examples of pure idiocy that cause my blood to boil, I'm going to need you all to do something.

First, clear your mind and take a few deep breathes. Are you with me? Good. Okay, now go back to that awkward time in your life. I call it high school. Think about every time you had the impulse to do something really dumb (like entering the talent show with that sock puppet show your mom thought was so cute). Now think about the moment you realized all the cool kids would make fun of you for doing it and how you decided against it. Those cool kids taught you a valuable life lesson- What to do in public and what to do in private.

Now imagine the worst video anyone could post online. Would you think of someone with a bowl cut ranting on about bottled water being filled with tap water? How about some missing teeth? Would you guess he had a lazy eye and was somewhat of a computer enthusiast? No? Well, my friend, you have much to learn. May I present to you five Youtube.com channels of complete and utter crap. Let the insults fly.

1. Youtube.com/user/rootbrian - How can I even begin to describe the worthlessness that is the Youtube channel of rootbrian? This self-described "computer trouble shooter" posts videos of himself ranting about tap water, playing Nintendo's Duckhunt, videos defending himself from anonymous insults and well, anything the dude can think of. It seems this guy has no life. If you have the patience to sift through all 335 videos he has posted than you are a better man than I. His own teeth, on the other hand, seem to be jumping ship one by one with each video he posts.

2.Youtube.com/user/RobinsMatt - I don't consider myself a violent person. As a matter of fact, I think I'm a pretty calm and rational human being most of the time, but for some reason, watching these videos makes me become so angry I could club a baby seal. How many times have you said to yourself, "Man, I wish someone would just make a bunch of parody songs a-la-Weird-Al-Yankovic style about Mike Huckabee and post them online? That would help me make up my mind about who to vote for." Well, brother your prayers have been answered.

3.Youtube.com/user/wrestleguru1987 - ALRIGHT WEAKLINGS!! PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR LITTLE MIND CRUSHED BY WRESTLEGURU1987!!! Filling the much-needed niche for wrestling experts on Youtube, wrestleguru1987 comes in with a whopping 234 videos of mind-numbing rants on the soap opera that is professional wrestling. God help us all.

4.Youtube.com/user/NufffRespect - Hey, man. Big brother's watching our every move. It's totally a fact that 9/11 was a set-up. Look between the lines. And so goes the logic of conspiracy nut-jobs. Here's a whole channel filled with 61 videos of this crap complete with dramatic music and more facts than you can wrap your head around.