Pillow Talk: Love and sex should go together

Do love and sex belong together?

If you take your cue from television and movies, they don't.

When you compare love-themed ads to the glut of sex-themed ads, you'll conclude the same thing Madison Avenue did. Romantic love doesn't sell much of anything. However, its siblings - sex, lust, obsession, and desire sell quite well.

They sell us excitement, revenge, unfaithfulness, morbid curiosity and everything in between. But those aren't about love. They represent the dark side of human nature, which for some reason has always interested people more than the happy and bright side.

If you find yourself focusing or obsessing about the dark side of love when thinking of your true love, keep looking, and maybe even visit the Counseling Center at Kennard-Washington Hall in room 214. He or she may turn out to be just the obsession or the drive-you-crazy of your life.

So if obsession, possession and revenge aren't love, then what is? How will we know real love, if we're not even sure what love is?

When was the last time you looked into a loved one's eyes and thought, "I love you unconditionally. I love you for who you are." Was it last night, last month, last year? Ever?

This might be so foreign an idea to you because you first have to love yourself before you can love someone else. (Yes, this is old stuff, but it's as true today as it was 100 years ago).

Try this when you have a quiet moment. Stand in front of a mirror and look at your face. Calmly look at your eyes, lips, cheeks, the whole thing. Say out loud in a soft voice, "I love you without judging you. I love you for who you are." Say it again as though you really meant it. Now say it and believe it.

When you read through the exercise above, did you originally think, "Oh, piece of cake!" But when you tried it, you found it wasn't that easy. If you're struggling to believe that you love yourself without judgment, how easy is it to believe anyone else can love you for who you are?

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to look your loved ones in the eyes and say to yourself, "I love you for who you are." The other person will hopefully look back and smile. But something will have changed between you.

You may see that person clearer. You may realize this person isn't who you think they are, or you may realize this is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. When you love and accept yourself, you will have an easier time accepting love from others.

What does this have to do with sex? Accepting love from your partner will only aid in adding meaning and fulfillment to your sex life. Really.

This is a column of opinion written by Printz Staff Writer Glory Fink. Comments about this column can be sent to printz@usm.edu.