A Southern Miss Christmas wish list

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Dear Santa, 

December is almost here, and I wanted to be one of the very first to send you my Christmas wish list. You’ve always surprised me with some pretty neat gifts. Last year you gave us Jack Abraham, and we still use him almost every week. I hope you are not upset that we nearly broke him in the Charlotte game. I promise we will all scream, “Slide!” a little louder next time. Listen, I know you are a busy man, so to save you a little time this season, here are a few options you could choose from for my gift this time around. 

  1. A bowl game 

First and foremost, Santa, we would really like to have just one more football game. We tried our best to be good this year. Not to point any fingers, but we played the Auburn Tigers better on the road than Ole Miss played them at home. I know we surely disappointed you against ULM and Charlotte, but I thought we did a pretty decent job of making up for it over the final weeks of the season. We are pretty reasonable in our expectations here. We don’t want Bama. Tulane, perhaps. Just give us something. Please. 

  1. We want to host a Regional. 

To be honest Santa, I thought we were good enough to have gotten this gift last year. Forty-four wins? Come on now, most of the teams that hosted won less. But as Scott Berry says, the past is the past, and it is time to move on. We are all really excited for another great baseball season at The Pete, and we promise to pack the stands in support if you give us one more chance to host a postseason tournament. 

  1. Southern Miss basketball in March. 

I know we did some naughty things in this department. But have we not suffered enough? Both teams are trying so hard to be good this year. The Lady Eagles are nearly doubling opponents’ rebounding totals, and Tyree Griffin literally ran out of his shoes recently in an effort to score. I know there is still a lot more basketball to be played, but it would be great if you could keep us in mind on Selection Sunday. 

  1. Less game day parking restrictions. 

Listen, I don’t like to be a Negative Nancy—especially to you, Santa. But something has to give. “Eagle Club Only” signs are spreading around parking lots faster than Dollar Generals on the interstate. Trivenskey Mosley has run for 494 yards this season, but our fans have run for at least 500 to get to The Rock. I get that sometimes a brisk walk is to be expected on game day. However, I just have a funny feeling that more fans would be willing to show up if we could simply come to a compromise on this matter. The Eagle Walk should be the most notable event on game day, not the fan walk. Thanks for being so understanding.