Lusting for Levine: A love letter
Published: Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Updated: Monday, April 9, 2012 23:04
Dear Adam Levine,
I knew it was love at first listen when I heard your first single on the radio when I was in ninth grade. Hearing that whimsical, high-pitched sound come out of a man truly made it “Harder to Breathe,” and this was before I came out of the closet. #gayboyprobz
I knew that such a beautiful voice had to have a beautiful face behind it. Flashback to sophomore year of high school. Picture it—Justin Mitchell, on the couch being angsty with his scene-ster haircut, chunky highlights and a Taking Back Sunday tee shirt on watching MTV’s TRL. “Helena” by My Chemical Romance had been at the number one position on the show for three weeks. Naturally, I was thrilled. But, in a twisted turn of events, Helena dropped to number two. What music video could possibly trump the dark, beautiful “Helena?” “This Love” by Maroon 5 did. That’s when I became obsessed with you, Adam Levine.
When I heard “She Will Be Loved” for the first time, I knew your producers made you change it from “He Will Be Loved” so you could better market yourself. We all know that song was written about yours truly. Yes, it’s still in the Top 25 Most Played list on my iPod. We all know that “Songs About Jane” was supposed to be Songs about J (short for Justin, of course).
I followed your career and tattoo growth as I began college at Southern Miss. I lost my freshman 15 in hopes that you would somehow realize I was the one for you. Then you released a new album - what a “Wake Up Call.” I knew you would be coming down here soon to sweep me off my feet. Then, the impossible happened. You started dating some bimbo Victoria’s Secret model. It really made me wonder if I ever gave a damn about you.
Then you debuted a fresh new haircut and relationship status on The Voice last week, and I got over myself. Rae Lynn then hugged you after her admittedly wonderful performance of “Wake up Call,” and I became green with jealousy. Rae Lynn is one of my favorites this year, and I would hate to have to cut her. It made me never want to leave my bed.
What have we learned today, Mr. Levine? Clearly, I’m the one for you. Your naked picture serves as the background on my phone. “Sunday Morning” wakes me up every Sabbath Day. My best friend even has lyrics to “She Will Be Loved” tattooed on her body. (Clearly she thinks she will get to you before I do. #wrong). I’ll see you on May 20 at the Gulfport Music Festival. My favorite jeweler is David Yurman. I also have no problem with the Gym Class Heroes playing at our wedding as long as we can still invite Katy Perry.
Love and with obsession,