Not everything about ‘Twilight’ sparkles

Before all you vampires out there bite me with your fangs, I would like to preface this by saying that this is my personal opinion. We are all entitled to our own opinion, with the exception of Bella Swan. She gets told what to do and gave the right to think on her own to a sparkling man.

With the recent premiere of “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2,” vampires and werewolves have become all the rage. Again. For the fifth time.

Why do people enjoy a book series in which a girl with the personality of a baked potato somehow has two part boy/part mythical creatures fawning over her? I do not understand, and I probably never will.

But, here is one thing I do understand. As a woman and a decent human being of the 21st century, the “Twilight” saga outrages me.

Let’s start from the beginning. A 17-year-old girl moves to a new town, and through vampire magic or whatever a 100-year-old sparkling man-creature named Edward is attracted to her. He must protect her. He watches her sleep through her window at night. Then there is a local werewolf boy named Jacob who fights the vampires. Edward goes away for a while and Bella goes into an emotional coma in which she stares out a window for three months. Then she goes back to Jacob and the wolf pack (because God forbid she doesn’t have a male to tell her what to do) but then dramatically jumps off a cliff and practically drowns because risking her life is the only way she can see visions of Edward. At some point she goes to Italy to save her beloved Edward but somehow ends up making a deal with the evil vampires to become one of them. Then Edward and Bella get married and have a vampire/human child who eats her way out of the womb and is magically born a full-grown toddler. When the child is around age six, Jacob imprints on her. That’s all I know because I refuse to spend a precious $10 on this final installment.

So, what’s the problem here, you ask? To start with, Edward is 100 and watches a young girl sleep at night through her window. Last time I checked, we described that as pedophilia. Also, he has to restrain himself from biting or killing her. Yet you people call this romance?

He is always saving her, implying that she is a helpless and feeble girl. And when he does save her, he never fails to make a comment about how she couldn’t survive without his help. I’m sorry, but if a sparkling boy tried to save me from anything I would probably laugh. But, oh wait, Bella can’t laugh because she has no personality and has been stripped of all normal human emotion. This also explains why she is played by Kristen Stewart.

For a brief period in “New Moon,” the second book in the saga, Edward goes away for several months to do something that vampires do, probably to drink blood or bedazzle himself. Anyway, Bella does nothing. She literally sits in front of a window. I understand the heartbreak and all, but snap out of it. Go hang out with your friends. Oh, that’s right, Bella has no friends because she alienated them all when she fell for that vampire.

Also, while Edward is away, Bella can only have visions of him when she is doing something dangerous, such as fighting an evil vampire who looks like Bob Marley’s stunt double or jumping off a cliff. It appears that Bella is willing to kill herself just to have a brief glance at Edward while he is nowhere to be found. But it’s totally fine, because all of this is so romantic.

Basically, Bella is forever at the mercy of Edward. Sadly, millions of teenage girls and middle-aged mothers are too.

Bella is simply the epitome of weakness and male dependency. Women have fought to escape these descriptions, and one series, written for 13-year-old girls, has completely plastered on the labels.

There is a reason girls in our country are so obsessed with this series. They find themselves relating to Bella, or they make themselves relate to her. The author of the series created a protagonist (it kills me to have the word pro in a word that describes Bella) who had the willpower of a housewife in the 1950s, and strangely girls want to be like her. Young females have no knowledge of the battles women fought to overcome living like Bella. When all they see are women who are easily charmed by men, that’s what they want to be.

This message is not what we should be sending to young girls with developing minds. Stephenie Meyer, the author of this atrocity, knew what kind of girl to create that would draw in readers and audiences. Girls admire the personality and characteristics of Bella because she “gets the guy,” regardless of how much air her brain has the capacity to hold (it’s probably a whole lot, by the way). Edward Cullen is a somewhat twisted version of a knight in shining armor, every young girl’s dream guy. Plus, he’s a vampire, which is apparently attractive these days.  

When younger girls see the way Bella pathetically acts, they assume that it’s the way to make a man fall in love with them. However, the “Twilight” saga promotes women sacrificing every portion of themselves for a man. It teaches girls to be unhealthily submissive, not to mention it is basically a guide for a girl to fall victim to a potentially abusive relationship.

In conclusion,  if you ever think you’re doing well in life and need to be brought back down to earth, let me remind you of this: Bella Swan with her potato-like personality has two attractive boys chasing after her and you are single.

Thank you, America, for continuing to perpetuate this disgrace of a series.