Dorm room sex etiquette 101

Published: Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Updated: Tuesday, September 29, 2009 00:09

First off, congratulations freshmen, you've made it to college. Now that you're here, if you're living on campus, you probably have a roommate. Many of you may never have shared a room with anyone quite like this before, so prepare yourself for awkwardness.

This awkwardness will only magnify once you start the sometimes daunting task of trying to get laid, or simply trying to get off while alone while your roommate is around. You probably don't want to talk about things like your primal need for an orgasm with your roommate, but trust me, get the awkwardness out of the way now, so you can have a civil and fun time as roommates. So in order to avoid any sticky situations, take some of these polite precautions and consider having a one-on-one sit down with your roommate.

Let's start with an "alone" situation. Whether you're jacking or jilling off, both you and your roommate are probably doing it. If anything, just be polite about it. No one wants to be the creep who gets caught and has the story told all over their residence hall.

Either wait until you know your roommate is gone or plan around his or her schedule. Does your roomie go home for the weekend? Are any blocks of your roommate's schedule covered by club meetings and the like? Then that would be the perfect time to strike.

Also, never forget the power of knocking on your own door. Once you see your roommate midstroke at the computer, it will take a while to delete that from your memories and actually be able to look him or her in the eye again.

Communication is even more important when others are involved. Please, do not be the rude person who locks a roommate out because someone is in the room. Remember, it's not just your room, and your roommate might not want to leave the room late at night just because you want to bring someone over.

Inform the person you live with that you have someone over, or that someone may come over, so alternate plans can be made one way or the other. Two words: courtesy text.

Just imagine: flesh on flesh, the warm sweat of passion flowing, and all of a sudden the door swings open and the fluorescent light switches on, blinding you and your "buddy." Your roommate stands, mouth agape, over the armful of books he or she just dropped – still processing the split second of flopping genitals and fist clenching visible before you and your partner instantly transformed into a big sweaty pile of uncomfortable.

Also, please don't have phone sex and act like you're not. Your roommate knows; he or she can hear you, and you're probably making somebody want to vomit. Because no matter how quiet you're trying to be, your roommate can probably hear whatever sounds you're making, and who wants to have a quiet orgasm with a roommate within earshot anyway?

If nothing else, rely on the old time-tested method of hanging a tie on the door.

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no thanks

Wed Sep 30 2009 00:21

The mindset of the writer of this article must be similar to those in hiv, syphillis, gonorrhea, and other std infected/infested countries. Why don't you really get balls, get a bullhorn, go to the sidewalk, and loudly announce, "Hey, EVERYBODY and ANYBODY, I want to be laid!" Your parents must be proud.

Astounded this article got printed!

Wed Sep 30 2009 00:00

I know I'm gonna get bashed for even bring this up - but, we wonder why MSU and Ole Miss don't see us on their level - and crap stories like this in the student newspaper is one reason why. This is stuff that 8th graders write in their notebooks during study hall - not something that should appear in a university newspaper.

If we want to be taken seriously then we need to look at what we're putting out there as representative of the student body at USM. And, if this article is what people are supposed to think of students who attend USM, then I can certainloy see why many people have a 'not so great' impression of Southern Miss.

The author of this article needs to take some English and writing classes...and grow up. If she wanted to address this subject in a mature way, I can assure you she would not have chosen phrases such as: "get laid" or "jacking off." That's just crass and rude. If she was looking to get a reaction out of readers, then she achieved her goal - but I certainly hope she was trying to be funny and not trying to establish journalistic integrity. But, seriously, she didn't do either.

Christian S

Tue Sep 29 2009 21:55

Although I am still a college student, I do have to address and defend those who graduated "YEARS AGO." Those who graduated "YEARS AGO" are the people who support a major portion of our USM Foundation (i.e. your scholarships, new equipment, and other improvement projects) which helps to make our education at Southern Miss a descent one. To bash our Alumni and call them ignorant shows a major fault on your behalf. People constantly wonder why there isn't more alumni support at Southern Miss, and this is exactly the reason - the majority of students do not appreciate their help and support. Administration at Southern Miss constantly pursue the best "image" for our University, and our students should do the same thing - be proud of the place at which you receive a higher education, and have respect for it.

That being said - I don't think anyone is "skirting around these types of issues," but they are merely raising concern for the language used in the article. I am a fairly liberal person, but I was quite shocked to read this article in the StudentPrintz the way it was written. Word choice was very poor to say the least. I wouldn't have cared a bit if the writer had addressed the issue in a more mannered way, which is still possible without sounding like an out-of-touch "grown up." Yes, I agree that the topic at-hand is a good topic and should be addressed, however the approach was not at all indicative of a newspaper at a major "research extensive university."

Perhaps the writer could take advice from the commenters of both sides of the argument and adjust future articles. I think she'll be a great writer if she learns to better organize her thoughts, thinks about the audience she's addressing (as well as those who support your position as a student at this university), and keeps writing on topics she feels should be addressed; just do it in a more thoroughly thought-out way.

This is my position on this article, and I think I was pretty fair to both sides.

Your name

Tue Sep 29 2009 21:50

i for one did not read this online for the first time, i read it in the actual paper. i only got online to comment on it. when i read it though i didn't expect that! i expected something a bit more... ok, just not so NASTY. she could have been more tasteful and not so inappropriate, i believe.

J. Andrews

Tue Sep 29 2009 21:46

When you clicked on an article called "Dorm room sex etiquette 101," what did you all expect? Just out of curiosity.

Your name

Tue Sep 29 2009 21:26

to: sick of the "haters"

very "adult" use of wording, by the way.

i am a journalism major myself, and have sense enough to know that just because you have the "guts" to write about something, does not actually give you the right to publicize it. are you a journalism major?? there are certain ways that you go about writing certain things, and this just isn't one of them. i don't see articles THIS vulgar in the trash magazine section at wal-mart. i did NOT graduate years ago, i'm still here and this topic of discussion is definitely not one that comes across in my everyday conversations. yes, i'm sure some college students engage in talking about it, but did we all go to college just to talk about sex? did we all come to college to talk about, as ms. purvis so lightly puts it, "jacking off"? i don't believe so. SERIOUS college students are not focused on sex etiquette, we're focused on making the grade. we're focused on career goals. As for questioning her education and capabilities, we've all been through high school. We have all taken basic english courses, we know how to form sentences, we know how to spell correctly, etc... i can assure you that we aren't questioning her education and abilities just because we disagree with her. how juvenile. we simply understand that if one cannot write an article that is edited correctly NOW when we get all of our experience, how will that person ever survive job interviews with a poor portfolio full of grammatically incorrect articles?

oh, and if THIS article made you laugh, then i have to ask.. how serious do you take yourself?

Sick of the Haters

Tue Sep 29 2009 18:31

First of all,
All these people making these comments are in denial! This is college!!! PLAIN AND SIMPLE!!! This is what COLLEGE AGE students talk about and this is what they are doing!! Now, the language was a little direct, but skirting around these types of issues is what gets people into trouble!! If you don't like it, don't read it!! Simple as that!!! All you people who claim this is so disgusting are probably the same people doing it yourself!! The only difference between you and this writer is that she had enough guts to write about it!! Even worse, half of you people probably have graduated YEARS AGO!!! Once again, if you don't like it, get off of this COLLEGE NEWSPAPER WEBSITE, and log in to the CLARION LEDGER!!!! For you to have the audacity to sit and question this woman's education and abilities just because you don't agree with what she said shows the type of ignorance that is still around. It is called an OPINION for a reason---and im sure that her article prevented a couple of uncomfortable situations...or just made some people laugh. Maybe you so-called "ADULTS" should just grow the heck up!!!!

Shannon M.

Tue Sep 29 2009 18:17

This article is ridiculously stupid. Bad writing, awful grammatical errors, and a topic that is borderline acceptable? Not only is this a FAIL for the writer, but it is a fail for the editors. I would have made Brittany re-write this article and if it was still bad, I would have pulled it from print. Ridiculous. And Brittany, what year are you? If you're a sophomore or higher, then you need to go back to freshman English 101 classes. If you're a freshman and wrote this article, good luck "getting laid." But whatever year you are, you should not be allowed to write for the Student Printz and perhaps shouldn't graduate on time. And if your major is journalism, you should DEFINITELY pick a new major.

Your name

Tue Sep 29 2009 16:20

bravo brittany.i can understand how some people might have been offended by this but it is an important issue that should be addressed. sorry moms and dads but most of your kids start having sex in college, if not before. wouldn't you rather them be courteuous about it and also doing it in the safety of their own room as opposed to the back seat of a car or a dirty fraternity house? i'm glad the student printz supports this kind of courage and honesty.

former student

Tue Sep 29 2009 14:32

If this is what I am led to believe about the current state of student life at Southern Miss, I'd never allow my child to attend school at USM. This is totally inappropriate to print. Who is the editor of this paper - and why isn't he/she doing his/her job??

Brittany, your attempt at informational humor falls deathly flat. The subject matter - while borderline in tastefulness - may be okay for you and your obviously sex-crazed friends...but it is wildly inappropriate for a student newspaper. Are you purposefully trying to sound immature, or are you just trying to (in your words) "get laid?"

This article does not speak very highly of your personal integrity, the integrity of the student newspaper, OR the university that would lend its name to such! Thumbs down.

Your name

Tue Sep 29 2009 14:02

this is disgusting. it is very inapropriate and should never have been printed. What is wrong with the editors? why would you let something this disgusting, innapropriate, and unnecessary be published. I'm becoming more and more disapointed with the printz and their staff.

Your name

Tue Sep 29 2009 12:20

First of all,
this could possibly be the worst article I've ever read. It was poorly written, your thoughts were scattered about, there were various grammatical errors and it was incredibly distasteful. Please remember when writing that you are a person first and a journalist second. No one cares to read about "jacking off" or "sweaty genitals. You're a writer, you should know how to word things. You could have found a substitution for such graphic terms. This article was a bit childish. I'm sure one of your goals was to be sarcastically funny and get a laugh out of your readers, but I spent most of my time going back and forth, trying to decipher between thoughts. You have to learn to not be so wordy. You gave a nice attempt.

Attempt-failed.

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