Students misuse and abuse parking garage

There are some things about the University of Southern Mississippi I don’t get. If it’s the football traditions, the fountains or the city’s fascination with swans, there are some things I don’t think will ever make sense. Maybe it’s because I’m a transfer student; maybe I just lack school spirit. In any case, the biggest mystery to me is the rituals surrounding the parking garage.

By no means am I an anthropology student, but I’ve read enough National Geographic magazines that I think I can analyze what it means to be a Southern Miss student in the parking garage.

The first thing I noticed on my first day of class is the overwhelming amount of people who turn left. Turning left alone is no big deal (it is generally a pretty fair alternative to turning right), but to the particularly brave students of USM, it is obviously some sort of rite of passage.  

Imagine the young college student, full of life and vigor. He can’t wait to test his nerves as he takes the sharpest turn possible into the oncoming lane. He goes blindly and confidently, willing to face death (or at least to the body shop) to show he is a fearless Golden Eagle. He does not wave in apology to the people he cut off: to those right-turners who are not worth his time. He is truly the bravest among us.

While left turners are the bravest, they are certainly not the boldest. That distinction goes to the people who urinate in the elevators. While I’ve never witnessed this firsthand, I’m making a leap of logic in that the smell isn’t cleaning ammonia.

I’m a bit of an optimist, so I refuse to believe that grown people, proven that they are smart enough to continue their higher education, would do something so disgusting. My only explanation for this behavior is classic territory marking. These are truly the alpha dogs of the campus. Not only do they leave their mark on the school, but they also they keep droves of students from entering their territory. These are the ones with the true school spirit. Not only do they feel comfortable enough on campus to urinate in public, but they also become part of the USM experience, from the smell to the reason your shoes stick to the floor.