Swipe Right

Swipe Right

It’s February!

My favorite month of the year comes with no shortage of things to look forward to, and most of these things are pretty memorable. However, in the rare case that you forget them, here’s a handy dandy calendar with all the events you need to know about, and everything you need to know about them.

Feb. 1st: NATIONAL HIJAB DAY

This one’s a little deceptive. Although National Hijab Day does fall on Feb. 1, USM’s Muslim Student Association hosted our “hijab day” – during which we helped non-hijabis try on hijabs – on Feb. 7 and drew quite a large crowd.

Just so we’re clear, there is nothing – absolutely nothing – as terrifying as walking into a horde of hijabis. There’s hardly enough bigotry to spread around, you want to battle the part of you that actually found one of the scarves cute, and it all culminates with you walking up to a mirror and attempting to shake your own hand because you can’t tell anyone apart. (No kidding – in the 8th grade, a classmate asked me how hijabis tell each other apart.)

Feb. 4th: MY 21ST BIRTHDAY

The most wonderful thing about this month is always my birthday. After all, who doesn’t love the yearly reminder that they were extracted from their comfortable, unconscious existence and deposited on this planet?

This year was particularly special though because it was my 21st reminder! No drinking due to religious bans? No problem! Shots of self-loathing also exist!

Feb. 5th: THE SUPER BOWL

Confession – the Super Bowl and I have a very long, very dark past.

Some of my most vivid memories of childhood include rescheduling birthday parties and having to sit through sports discussions I couldn’t care less about at school before I was allowed to talk about my birthday. This year, though, I was with a friend as the teams were playing. We tuned in about halfway through, when the Falcons had a massive lead over the Patriots. Consequently, I cheered for the Falcons, and now I am scarred and turned off of sports forever.

Swipe RightFeb. 14th: VALENTINE’S DAY

No worries – I know that V-Day is a rough time for many people. Nothing will have you questioning your left swipes quite like watching lovey-dovey couples embrace under Cupid’s arrow. Thankfully, I’ve complied a list of helpful tips for combating the holiday, organized by many common types of heterosexual girl. (Because that’s the group that tends to have the most V-Day problems, in addition to being the only group I can speak for).

FOR SORORITY GIRLS: If he wears Chubbies, he will break your heart.

FOR NERDS: If more than just one of his participles is hanging (if you know what I mean), he will break your heart.

FOR ATHLETES: If he’s ever chest-bumped anyone in his life, he will break your heart.

Basically, stay away from boys. They will destroy you and your heart. Trust me on this. I am a Tinder expert.

Feb. 28th: “THE HATE U GIVE” BY ANGIE THOMAS BOOK RELEASE

All joking aside – this is one I’m super excited about. I can’t wait to read this sure-to-be-amazing book, and I’m just as excited to finally meet Angie in person at her Jackson book release party.


 

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