Swipe Right

Swipe Right

It’s been just over a week since I started my reader- proposed challenges, and boy are they challenging.

Last week, I told you about my experiences forgoing makeup. Since then, I began the five-day Taco Bell diet, ordered a burkini for the ice bucket challenge, began training for the 5K and even signed up for the Southern Miss Health is Golden sponsored Glow Run – just to make extra sure that I won’t back out, because even with two accountability partners, I’ve come pretty close a couple times.

New Note-6

In the interest of full transparency, I must admit that I didn’t last long on the Taco Bell diet. I began Friday, made Saturday a cheat day (because I wanted frozen cheesecake at Hub Fest, became sickened by the cheesecake and craved fries, and then became sickened by the excess of fries and craved death, which may appear to be synonymous with Taco Bell but is actually quite different), and then never resumed.

But that’s okay. You know why? Because Sunday, I began training for my eventual 5K run and if there’s anything that sounds less appetizing than a five day Taco Bell diet, it’s a five day Taco Bell diet coupled with a glorified prehistoric torture practice.

Needless to say, I’ve earned many things since I began training -– the first of which being that I am not a runner. I’ve learned that training for a 5K is very similar to being on Tinder as a hijabi in southern Mississippi. Here’s how.

1. Everyone has their own opinions about how you should go about it.

The first thing people did when I mentioned that I’d be attempting a 5K was offer advice. The first thing people do when they learn I’m on Tinder is ask about my swiping practices before telling me how they could be improved.

“You swiped on a guy with a fish? Why would you swipe on a guy with a fish?”

IT’S A FISH, JAN. DO YOU KNOW HOW RIPE FOR TROLLING FISH ARE?

2. You enter with unrealistic expectations

The first night of my training, I “ran” a mile (100 yards). The first time I joined Tinder, I expected to have maybe three matches (I had roughly 50 my first night.) I thought that I’d progress much differently. Now, I’m “running” two miles (110 yards) and I have no matches (because I deleted the app.)

3. Until you’re good at it, it’s best done in secret

I didn’t want people to know I was on Tinder until my exposé was published. In the same way, I don’t want people to see me running until I’m fully trained and reaching for success, rather than reaching for an oxygen tube.

Before next week, I’ll be completing the ice bucket challenge, the contouring video, the 24- hour water diet and maybe even a few of the challenges that require speaking to strangers. Have tips, running or otherwise? Look for the disgruntled five-foot hijabi on campus and let her know.


 

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