The day is finally here. It’s that special time of year when all you movie aficionados out there want to do is sit down to watch some good horror flicks. But if you’re like me, and you enjoy wasting your precious time on stupid things, you may want to check out at least one of the films on this list. Most of these movies were jokingly made, of course, but that doesn’t detract from the fact that they are awful, awful movies. I present to you my top five worst horror movies of all time.
5. Any “Friday the 13th” movie but the original. The 1980 film directed by Sean Cunningham was great. But from then on the movies became so cliche and pointless. If you really want to waste your time with Jason this Halloween, I recommend you watch “Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan.” Most of the movie doesn’t even take place in Manhattan, the characters are outlandish and die in not-so-horror ways and at no point is this movie scary. It is by far the worst of the lot.
4. “Leprechaun in the Hood” The fifth movie of the “Leprechaun” series, this movie has an interesting cast; half of them seem to know this movie is a joke, while the other half perform like there is nothing wrong with the script. Combine that with some awful Leprechaun rhymes set to hip hop and a villain that is mildly creepy at best and you’ve got yourself a ridiculous “horror” movie. Not even Ice-T performed well in this.
3. “The Stuff” Here’s another one from the ‘80s. The plot of Larry Cohen’s “The Stuff” has the potential to be terrifying, but it’s cheesier than it is scary. The acting is bad, the special effects are bad, the script is bad – every conceivable aspect of this movie is bad. Nonetheless, I found it entertaining to watch and laugh at.
2. “Santa’s Slay” No, it’s not necessarily like “Black Christmas,” because this one was definitely a joke and, furthermore, actually had some good acting and hilarious moments. This isn’t a horror movie per se, but I included it because I think it’s a riot. In this one, it is discovered that Santa is not really a loving, caring guy who delivers presents to children. Rather, he’s a demonic murderer who is forced to be “good” for 1,000 years after he loses a bet with an angel. But his thousand years are up, and it’s time for some slaying.
1. “Thankskilling.” Save the best for last. While I don’t know much about this movie’s production, I have to assume that this one was a joke. Much like “Peter Rottentail” and “The Gingerbread Man,” no one in the production of this film could have taken it seriously. It is cringe-worthy terrible. I’m still trying to figure out how it even received a rating of 4.4 out of 10 on IMDb. All you need to know is that the villain is a homicidal turkey. Oh, and there’s some nudity, cursing, useless characters, idiotic dialogue and so on. In fact, you could just watch the trailer online and call it quits after that.
There are so many more bad horror movies out there for you to see, but these are among the worst of the worst. Just remember: if you truly want to enjoy your Halloween night with a movie, you should probably stick with a classic. (But seriously, at least watch the opening scene of “Santa’s Slay.” It’s outrageous.)