As much as I loved complaining about high school, it was comfortable, and I secretly kind of miss it. I miss knowing all the people around me and knowing who my friends were. Lately, I have been feeling a little lost on who my friends are here at Southern Miss.
Luckily, I have my boyfriend who doubles as my best friend, but I have really been missing my gal pals from back home. I often talk to them, and this week’s “The Lanie Diaries” was actually inspired by a few conversations I had between them. We have been talking about how we have been unsuccessful in recreating those types of relationships in college.
I still obsess over who makes the team I was on or joins the club I was in. And I think it is because I was really passionate about those things. I spent so many years of my life with the people in those organizations, so of course I still care deeply about them. I just wish I could have taken those select organizations and people with me to college.
To be clear, I have made several friends who I really love, but since I am a self-proclaimed awkward socializer, I do not always know how to approach them to hang out. I am really bad at small talk and opening up to new people. In order to recreate something familiar, I joined an organization on campus. This organization meant a lot to me in high school, so naturally I ran to it when I saw the chance in college. I was really excited once I became a part of it, but lately I have been feeling like an outsider.
Like everywhere else in the world, there is at least one clique in this organization I have joined. They are some of the original members, and I want to get to know them, but it really does not feel like they are giving me a chance. A select few have been wonderful, but a few have been the opposite. I often wonder, is it because I am new, or do they simply not like me? Am I just overthinking this?
Really, the problem is centered around me wanting to be accepted by the members of this organization. It is something I really loved in high school and want to continue on with during my collegiate career. I believe that I have done well, but some members do not seem like they want to give me their time of day.
I either need to confront the situation or let it go. Friend-making is difficult, but I will not settle for shallow friendships. I think that is why I have been striving so hard to find a group where I belong. Maybe this is not the group that I once thought it was.